Your great mistake is to act the drama / as if you were alone . . . / Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into / the conversation . . . - DAVID WHYTE, "Everything is Waiting For You"
What People Say About Suicide Grief Support
ACCORDING TO INTERVIEWS, RESEARCH STUDIES, and surveys of men and women bereaved by the suicide of a loved one, the single most valuable resource they discovered was one-to-one interaction with another suicide loss survivor.
In several surveys, more than 90% also reported the need for individual counseling or therapy from a mental health professional. The ideal grief counselor, they noted, would be one with personal experience of suicide loss, who could understand the dimensions of their suffering from the inside out.
Many participants expressed a desire for ongoing professional support from at least 6 months to 2 years after the death of their loved one, while others reported it took from 3 to 5 years before difficulties associated with acute grief began to subside. Over 60% reported significant levels of functional impairment in their daily life or work.
Ironically, although close friends and family were primary sources of profound caring and social support, many of the bereaved also experienced challenges in speaking openly about suicide, handling painful questions, defending themselves from stigma, or sharing the full magnitude of their grief with others. For many, counseling helped bridge the gap between perceived need and support received.
In several surveys, more than 90% also reported the need for individual counseling or therapy from a mental health professional. The ideal grief counselor, they noted, would be one with personal experience of suicide loss, who could understand the dimensions of their suffering from the inside out.
Many participants expressed a desire for ongoing professional support from at least 6 months to 2 years after the death of their loved one, while others reported it took from 3 to 5 years before difficulties associated with acute grief began to subside. Over 60% reported significant levels of functional impairment in their daily life or work.
Ironically, although close friends and family were primary sources of profound caring and social support, many of the bereaved also experienced challenges in speaking openly about suicide, handling painful questions, defending themselves from stigma, or sharing the full magnitude of their grief with others. For many, counseling helped bridge the gap between perceived need and support received.
Your friends and others are helpful, but if they've never experienced anything like this, they just can't do it. - PARTICIPANT, research study
Individual & Couples Coaching & Counseling
DESPITE GENERALIZATIONS found in traditional grief literature, every person's grief is unique. This is true, no matter how much all humans have in common. Why? Because you are unique, the person you lost was unique, and the relationship between the two of you was (and is) unique. This means, for one thing, there are no universal "stages" or "phases" or even "tasks" that you must complete.
Sadly, it also means the ways in which you explain or contain your grief, the intensity and frequency of your emotions and reactions, and the length of time it takes for you to mourn this catastrophic loss will often conflict with the expectations and timetables of those around you, even your closest friends and family. These inevitable disconnects can unnecessarily magnify your suffering and isolation.
Sadly, it also means the ways in which you explain or contain your grief, the intensity and frequency of your emotions and reactions, and the length of time it takes for you to mourn this catastrophic loss will often conflict with the expectations and timetables of those around you, even your closest friends and family. These inevitable disconnects can unnecessarily magnify your suffering and isolation.
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It is important, therefore, to have at least one safe place where you don't have to pretend or defend yourself; where you can reveal or conceal as much or as little as you want; where you can say anything out loud, without judgment; where you can explore all the hard questions about what happened, and why--no matter how ugly, painful, or socially unacceptable.
I could be that safe place for you. I'm particularly sensitive to the torment of parents who have lost a son or daughter to suicide, as I have, and to the special difficulties faced by fathers who may be uncomfortable opening up or unwilling to express their grief in the same ways, perhaps, as the women in their lives. Please don't suffer through this alone, in silence. |
Jay is a good listener and easy to communicate with. He is generous in voicing his own struggles, which makes it so much easier to confront my own. - E.M., Florida
MY UNIQUE APPROACH TO GRIEF RECOVERY draws upon both my personal experience of suicide loss and years of work as a pain self-management specialist, meditation teacher, solution-focused coach and therapist. Suicide grief is an intense, often traumatic form of social pain that utilizes much of the same neural circuitry as somatic pain. Healing, therefore, must mobilize many of the same biological, psychological, and social strategies required to endure and live with a chronic medical condition.
Below are eight key areas of knowledge and skill that I bring to this work. The smaller circles represent theoretical, scientific areas of relevance to understanding and integrating suicide grief and loss; the larger circles represent practical methods and models of working with the pain of bereavement. Of course, I'd be happy to explain them further, if you're interested in working with me. Just ask.
Below are eight key areas of knowledge and skill that I bring to this work. The smaller circles represent theoretical, scientific areas of relevance to understanding and integrating suicide grief and loss; the larger circles represent practical methods and models of working with the pain of bereavement. Of course, I'd be happy to explain them further, if you're interested in working with me. Just ask.
THE BEST WAY TO GET STARTED is by scheduling a free 15-20 min. phone conversation. If we decide to work together, I offer full 60-minute sessions at $95/hr for individual counseling and support, in person, by phone or Zoom. For an additional $20/hr, I can work with a couple, if you hope to support and companion one another on the journey out of darkness. For lower income clients, please visit the Open Path Psychotherapy Collective, where, if you qualify, we can work together at $60/hr ($80/hr for couples). Either way, let's talk.
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Alternative Support Group Models (ASGM) for Suicide Bereavement
A PILOT RESEARCH STUDY, starting spring or summer 2023. Check back soon for more information.
