Individual Support & Counseling
Jay is a good listener and easy to communicate with. He is generous in voicing his own struggles, which makes it so much easier to confront my own. - E.M., Florida
ACCORDING TO INTERVIEWS, RESEARCH STUDIES, and surveys of men and women bereaved by the suicide of a loved one, the single most valuable resource they discovered was one-to-one interaction with another suicide loss survivor. In several surveys, more than 90% also reported the need for individual counseling or therapy from a mental health professional. The ideal grief counselor, they noted, would be one with personal experience of suicide loss, who could understand the dimensions of their suffering from the inside out.
Many participants expressed a desire for ongoing professional support from at least 6 months to 2 years after the death of their loved one, while others reported it took from 3 to 5 years before difficulties associated with acute grief began to subside. Over 60% reported significant levels of functional impairment in their daily life or work.
Ironically, although close friends and family were primary sources of profound caring and social support, many of the bereaved also experienced challenges in speaking openly about suicide, handling difficult questions, defending themselves from stigma, or sharing the full magnitude of their grief. For many, counseling helped bridge the gap between perceived need and support received.
Many participants expressed a desire for ongoing professional support from at least 6 months to 2 years after the death of their loved one, while others reported it took from 3 to 5 years before difficulties associated with acute grief began to subside. Over 60% reported significant levels of functional impairment in their daily life or work.
Ironically, although close friends and family were primary sources of profound caring and social support, many of the bereaved also experienced challenges in speaking openly about suicide, handling difficult questions, defending themselves from stigma, or sharing the full magnitude of their grief. For many, counseling helped bridge the gap between perceived need and support received.
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DESPITE GENERALIZATIONS found in traditional grief literature, every person's grief is unique. This is true, no matter how much we all have in common. Why? Because you are unique, the person you lost was unique, and the relationship between the two of you was (and is) unique. This means, for one thing, there are no universal "stages" or "phases" or even "tasks" that you must complete.
Sadly, it also means the ways in which you explain or contain your grief, the intensity and frequency of your emotions and reactions, and the length of time it takes for you to mourn this catastrophic loss will often conflict with the expectations and timetables of those around you, even your closest friends and family. These inevitable disconnects can unnecessarily magnify your suffering and isolation. |
It is important, therefore, to have at least one safe place where you don't have to pretend or defend yourself; where you can reveal or conceal as much or as little as you want; where you can say anything out loud, without judgment; where you can explore all the hard questions that surround this terrible new reality, including, of course, the Why Question.
I can also work with you (and your family) to conduct a personal “biopsychosocial autopsy” of the suicide of your loved one, to construct a coherent narrative of what led up to their death, even to create a written memorial honoring the unique beauty and complexity of their life, as I did in my memoir about my daughter. To get an idea of how the process might work, take a look at my presentation “The Why Question & the Healing Power of Narrative” for suicide loss survivors and mental health professionals on ResearchGate.
I can also work with you (and your family) to conduct a personal “biopsychosocial autopsy” of the suicide of your loved one, to construct a coherent narrative of what led up to their death, even to create a written memorial honoring the unique beauty and complexity of their life, as I did in my memoir about my daughter. To get an idea of how the process might work, take a look at my presentation “The Why Question & the Healing Power of Narrative” for suicide loss survivors and mental health professionals on ResearchGate.
THE BEST WAY TO GET STARTED is by scheduling a free 20-30 min. phone conversation. If we decide to work together, I offer 60-minute sessions (in person, by phone or Zoom) on a sliding scale from $40-95/hr, depending on your income. Let's talk.
Group Support & Psychoeducation
Jay has the ability to make everyone feel completely safe and comfortable. He sets a tone where everyone's opinion is respected. He gives people the freedom and courage to speak their minds, ask questions, and share their most intimate thoughts. If you have a chance to join such a group, jump at it. - B.R., Colorado
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MANY SUICIDE LOSS SURVIVORS also attend grief support groups, with varying results. Studies have found, for example, that "general" bereavement groups, focused on grieving a natural or accidental death, tend to be the least helpful. Suicide grief is different. We need to talk about things that make others uncomfortable. Suicide-specific support can be transformative.
Nationwide emotional support groups for suicide loss survivors, both free and for a fee, can be found on the website of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I encourage you to explore available groups, online or within driving distance, and reach out to those that you might find beneficial. |
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Personally, I have hosted both in-person and online support groups for suicide loss survivors at the Longmont Senior Center and on AFSP.org. If you're looking for something a bit different, I may be offering both of these alternative suicide bereavement groups, or some version of them, again in the future:
Poetry Therapy Support Group
Coming Fall or Winter 2024 (previously offered Spring 2024)
"It is difficult to get the news from poems, yet [people] die miserably every day for lack of what is found there.” —William Carlos Williams
This will be a monthly drop-in support group grounded poetry therapy, in which we use existing poetry to explore the unique experience of suicide bereavement. No one will be required to write original poetry, unless you wish to.
Each 2-hr Zoom session includes attendee introductions; a brief explanation of poetry therapy; reading aloud of a pre-selected poem relevant to grief, loss, and healing; reflection questions and writing prompts; journaling in silence; sharing and group discussion; takeaways and next steps. You must sign up for each session you'd like to attend.
If you'd like to be notified when the next group is scheduled to begin, join my mailing list below.
Coming Fall or Winter 2024 (previously offered Spring 2024)
"It is difficult to get the news from poems, yet [people] die miserably every day for lack of what is found there.” —William Carlos Williams
This will be a monthly drop-in support group grounded poetry therapy, in which we use existing poetry to explore the unique experience of suicide bereavement. No one will be required to write original poetry, unless you wish to.
Each 2-hr Zoom session includes attendee introductions; a brief explanation of poetry therapy; reading aloud of a pre-selected poem relevant to grief, loss, and healing; reflection questions and writing prompts; journaling in silence; sharing and group discussion; takeaways and next steps. You must sign up for each session you'd like to attend.
If you'd like to be notified when the next group is scheduled to begin, join my mailing list below.
Let's Talk About the Why Question
Previously offered Summer 2024 (new 8-week version of this program currently in development)
This is a free, experimental 5-week drop-in group aimed at better understanding why our loved ones chose to kill themselves. It is intended primarily for suicide loss survivors who feel partly or wholly unable to answer The Why Question to their satisfaction. Participants should be prepared to introduce themselves and describe briefly who they lost to suicide, when, where, and how, without going into graphic detail.
Each week, the facilitator—who lost his own daughter to suicide—will offer questions for reflection and discussion, writing exercises, and novel approaches to assist loss survivors in exploring their loved one’s backstory and in making sense of their final, fatal act.
If you'd like to be notified when the next group is scheduled to begin, join my mailing list below.
Previously offered Summer 2024 (new 8-week version of this program currently in development)
This is a free, experimental 5-week drop-in group aimed at better understanding why our loved ones chose to kill themselves. It is intended primarily for suicide loss survivors who feel partly or wholly unable to answer The Why Question to their satisfaction. Participants should be prepared to introduce themselves and describe briefly who they lost to suicide, when, where, and how, without going into graphic detail.
Each week, the facilitator—who lost his own daughter to suicide—will offer questions for reflection and discussion, writing exercises, and novel approaches to assist loss survivors in exploring their loved one’s backstory and in making sense of their final, fatal act.
If you'd like to be notified when the next group is scheduled to begin, join my mailing list below.
TO RECEIVE TIMELY NOTICES of groups, events, or new offerings, please join my mailing list. I promise not to send a lot of messages, and you can unsubscribe at any time, without hurting my feelings. If you have other questions, please email me.
Speaking & Training
I wanted to pass on a note of thanks from our team and attendees yesterday. Most found your message very compassionate and healing. It was a different angle on the subject than most have heard before, and they were grateful. - L.A., Colorado
Photos from ceremony for suicide loss survivors, Eagle County, CO, Sept. 2023. White beads represent loss of a child to suicide.
IF YOU'D LIKE A DYNAMIC, engaging speaker for your next support group meeting, peer support staff training, conference on suicide prevention or bereavement, let's talk. I'm keen, and available, to offer my gifts, experience, and unusual perspectives for this work.
Before my daughter's suicide, I presented at a number of conferences, support groups, and continuing education events for medical professionals, therapists, and patients on a novel solution-focused, biopsychosocial (BPS) approach to pain self-management, which I developed after suffering from chronic pain for decades myself. That's where the name of my private practice, "BPS Health," comes from. Since Beth's death, I've reoriented my focus from chronic physical pain to both acute and chronic psychological and social pain.
Ironically, suicide is driven largely by unbearable pain (social pain, caused by threat or injury to one's social bonds), while suicide grief is a traumatic form of social pain. My unique perspective as an experienced pain management specialist informs everything I do today, as a suicide bereavement specialist and independent suicidologist. I know of no others in the field who come from such a background.
Before my daughter's suicide, I presented at a number of conferences, support groups, and continuing education events for medical professionals, therapists, and patients on a novel solution-focused, biopsychosocial (BPS) approach to pain self-management, which I developed after suffering from chronic pain for decades myself. That's where the name of my private practice, "BPS Health," comes from. Since Beth's death, I've reoriented my focus from chronic physical pain to both acute and chronic psychological and social pain.
Ironically, suicide is driven largely by unbearable pain (social pain, caused by threat or injury to one's social bonds), while suicide grief is a traumatic form of social pain. My unique perspective as an experienced pain management specialist informs everything I do today, as a suicide bereavement specialist and independent suicidologist. I know of no others in the field who come from such a background.
Everyone I spoke with really appreciated your message on Sunday . . . You have continued to help others heal while honoring your daughter's life in a beautiful way. - A.P., Colorado
In May 2023, I gave a standing-room-only presentation to mental health professionals and suicide loss survivors at the annual Suicide Prevention Coalition of Colorado (SPCC) Conference entitled "The Why Question & the Healing Power of Narrative."
In honor of National Suicide Prevention Month, in Sept. 2023 I was the keynote speaker at a memorial ceremony for loss survivors in Eagle County, Colorado. And, in Sept. 2024, I was invited to give a TED-style talk on "How I Survived My Daughter's Suicide" to a gathering of loss survivors, attempt survivors, peers, mental health advocates and professionals in Summit County, Colorado.
I WOULD BE DELIGHTED to give a 30-90 min. talk or keynote presentation, host a half-day or one-day workshop, or facilitate a multi-week group for your organization, clients or staff, depending on your needs, interests, and budget. Please get in touch.
In honor of National Suicide Prevention Month, in Sept. 2023 I was the keynote speaker at a memorial ceremony for loss survivors in Eagle County, Colorado. And, in Sept. 2024, I was invited to give a TED-style talk on "How I Survived My Daughter's Suicide" to a gathering of loss survivors, attempt survivors, peers, mental health advocates and professionals in Summit County, Colorado.
I WOULD BE DELIGHTED to give a 30-90 min. talk or keynote presentation, host a half-day or one-day workshop, or facilitate a multi-week group for your organization, clients or staff, depending on your needs, interests, and budget. Please get in touch.
