I help people make sense of suicide.
Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. - JEFF VANDERMEER, Annihilation
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LOSING A LOVED ONE to suicide sucks. I know. I lost my beloved daughter, Beth, a Peace Corps volunteer, to suicide in July 2018. She was 28 years old. Wrestling with the question of why she chose to terminate her own existence nearly ruined me. Nevertheless, six years later, here I am. Alive and well. With a whole new career.
Hi. I'm a scientist, poet, award-winning writer, meditation teacher, health coach, chronic pain management specialist, solution-focused therapist, suicidologist, speaker, and author of four books, including Girl of Light & Shadow: A Memoir of My Daughter, Who Killed Herself (2022). |
Elizabeth Anne Valusek
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TO RESEARCH AND WRITE that book - in addition to hundreds of pages of Beth's journals and other documents I amassed after her death - I read several hundred books, articles, and peer-reviewed scientific papers on suicide theory and prevention, suicide bereavement, the science of grief, social and emotional neuroscience, evolutionary psychology and anthropology, behavioral genetics and epigenetics, childhood adversity and developmental trauma, the biology of physical and social pain, mental health and illness, psychiatric diagnosis, medication and treatment, as well as dozens of heart-breaking stories of suicide grief and loss.
While studying modern, well-grounded theories of suicide, trying to make sense of my own child's final, fatal act, I began to detect something curious that (almost) no one else in suicidology seems to have noticed - a hidden scientific consensus on why people kill themselves. A sort of meta-theory emerged from the mind-numbing morass of risk factors, warning signs, flowcharts, and statistics.
While studying modern, well-grounded theories of suicide, trying to make sense of my own child's final, fatal act, I began to detect something curious that (almost) no one else in suicidology seems to have noticed - a hidden scientific consensus on why people kill themselves. A sort of meta-theory emerged from the mind-numbing morass of risk factors, warning signs, flowcharts, and statistics.
The Social Pain, Entrapment & Escape Theory™ of Suicide
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THREE COMMON, INTERLOCKING FACTORS appear repeatedly (albeit, often under different terms) in almost every respectable model of suicide:
(1) the presence of multiple varieties of what psychologists and neuroscientists call "social pain" and injury, (2) a final inescapable sense of defeat, hopelessness or "entrapment", and (3) at least one lethal "means of escape" from the trap of social pain. Suicide occurs only when all three factors overlap. I call this the Social Pain, Entrapment & Escape Theory™ of suicide. I believe this single, comprehensive, easy-to-grasp model can explain (nearly) any suicide, ancient or modern. Currently, I'm researching and writing a book about this, to help other survivors make sense of the unspeakably tragic loss of a loved one. Although I now consider suicide (largely) comprehensible - if one is willing to do the work - I'm not convinced it is either predictable or wholly preventable. |
The construction of a coherent narrative that helps make at least partial sense of the suicide is a central healing task for most survivors. - JOHN R. JORDAN, PhD, Grief After Suicide
After my own intellectually and emotionally intensive three-year "forensic investigation", I did, in fact, make sense of my daughter's fearsome fate, which proved transformative. I believe that, by constructing a coherent narrative of what happened and why, I effectively prevented the development of PTSD, major depression, or complicated grief - all of which are common among survivors.
IF YOU'RE HAUNTED, AS I WAS, by the cosmic, maddening, nearly universal Why Question - "Why in hell did this happen?" - let's talk. With the tools and techniques, knowledge and insight I have acquired on this demanding, yet existentially meaningful journey, I suspect I can help you, too, in understanding and explaining why your loved one ultimately chose to end his, her, or their own life.
Why work with me, specifically? Because, frankly, I'm aware of no other professionals who have decided, as I have, to specialize primarily in assisting suicide loss survivors, like you, in learning about, systematically investigating and, hopefully, resolving the Why Question.
Of course, depending on your needs, I also offer practical tools for emotional grounding and grief support based on the principles of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and Poetry Therapy.
Want to know more? Visit my Services page, or click here to schedule a free 20-30 min. consult.
IF YOU'RE HAUNTED, AS I WAS, by the cosmic, maddening, nearly universal Why Question - "Why in hell did this happen?" - let's talk. With the tools and techniques, knowledge and insight I have acquired on this demanding, yet existentially meaningful journey, I suspect I can help you, too, in understanding and explaining why your loved one ultimately chose to end his, her, or their own life.
Why work with me, specifically? Because, frankly, I'm aware of no other professionals who have decided, as I have, to specialize primarily in assisting suicide loss survivors, like you, in learning about, systematically investigating and, hopefully, resolving the Why Question.
Of course, depending on your needs, I also offer practical tools for emotional grounding and grief support based on the principles of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and Poetry Therapy.
Want to know more? Visit my Services page, or click here to schedule a free 20-30 min. consult.
Jay E. Valusek, MS, MEd, CPPC, NLC
Scientist, Writer, Speaker, Educator, Therapist & Suicidologist
BPS Health Strategies LLC
Scientist, Writer, Speaker, Educator, Therapist & Suicidologist
BPS Health Strategies LLC
